Friday, February 04, 2005

Muslim Militants Show Mercy to Benighted Christians

In a remarkable act of mercy, Muslim militants in Nigeria have given Christian students a 30 minute running head start in their attempts to hunt them down and kill them. The Christian students were expelled in November from public schools after their outrageous attempts to explain Christianity to other students inflamed the local populace against them. When they had the temerity to return home and attempt to cover up their crimes, their antisocial behavior provoked the local militants to kill them. However, despite the enormity of their crimes, the militants still have offered to give the Christians a running head start. "Let it never be said that Islam is not a religion of tolerance, of respect, of peace," said the militant leader. "In proof of this, I am giving these infidel blasphemers a 30 minute lead before we hunt them down like the animals that they are."

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Declaring War on Islam

We (the United States and assorted scofflaws) have been accused of being "The Great Satan", of "engaging in a war on all Islam", and of seeking for "the death of all Muslims." The problem here is that there seems to be a disconnect between this powerful rhetoric and our actions. We are sorry to report that, although we have outlined a bold plan of religious intolerance and genocide, the actual implementation leaves a lot to be desired.

As our humble contribution to the War on Islam, allow us to present the new weblog, "Islam Baiter's Weekly." This small platform will strive to present an unbiased view of that heaping pile of moral corruption masquerading as a religion of peace known as Islam. We will strive to present balanced reporting on the actions of the terroristic, murderous, deranged, fanatical zealots masquerading as devout believers who follow its principles. And most of all, we will always try to find a venue for using the words feculent, chucklehead, and bloviate in our various musings.

We hope that you will check in on us once in awhile to see what screeds we have come up with lately.

Attributions: We are certain that most of you will have picked up on the fact that we have been mightily influenced by the crack young staff over at the Hatemonger's Quarterly. We encourage you to peruse their contents often. We certainly do.